What Does It Take To Raise a Child into a Successful Adult?

Are you looking for the perfect parenting recipe? We are sure you want your child to be a successful adult but how do you know if your best effort is right for them? For the majority of us, parenting “happens” as a part of the journey through life. The whole process of parenting is so provocative but sorry to disappoint you, there is no perfect recipe. Do we prepare for a child the same way we prepare for other elements of our lives?

Do you meticulously prepare every detail, or do you simply take each day as it comes and come up with answers on the way? Whatever your answer is, we are not here to teach you how to raise your child, but rather about assisting you in setting different priorities for your child’s growth and development at various stages. Let’s start with what are these stages and how to cater for them!

Let’s Get Back To Basics

“Why the different stages?” 

Well, first of all, there are four aspects of growth that you need to look into. The exposure they get in each of these aspects will determine the kind of adults they become. They are:

• Physical
• Emotional
• Social 
• Cognitive

There are three main stages in a child’s development:

• Early childhood (from birth to age 5), 
• Middle childhood (from age 6 to age 12),
• Adolescent (from age 13 to age 18). 

It’s okay if some kids complete these phases’ milestones a little faster or slower than others. Again, there is no fixed booklet. Your role here is to figure out what stage your child is in and cater to their needs at that stage! Yes, don’t worry, we are done with the technical part here, Let’s dive right in!

From Cradle To Curiosity 

Imagine seeing a newborn- delicate, small, just entered the world, overwhelmed by the external stimulus. It will take them a few months to start recognizing you and learning to trust you, right? It may seem that whatever you do in the early period, that is, from birth to age 5 doesn’t matter because the child won’t remember but that’s where you are wrong. The progress in this stage lays the foundation for every other. So what’s your task here? let’s find out!

• Your main goal at this point should be to get them used to your voice, sight, and touch. The more you chat with them or sing to them, the more your relationship with them will grow and they will learn to go in the direction of your voice.
• They are also learning to see, so hang a bright mobile toy or a baby-safe mirror over their cribs so they can view it constantly. “What for?” This will help them recognize their faces and other people. Their sense of self and primary caregivers grows as a result.

As they grow a bit older, we normally expose them to screens. But is it any good? Well, early screen introduction could only lead to memory and retention problems. What is the substitute then? Reading! Yes, we know that children this young can’t read but guess what, YOU can! 

• This is the perfect opportunity to instil a love of reading by reading to them every day. As you read aloud, highlight terms and connect the narrative to concrete instances. Ask them if they recall the trip you took them on to the park if the story incorporates one. Add descriptive phrases like huge block or red block if they have mastered the identification of toys like blocks to broaden their vocabulary.
• As the child grows older, get them accustomed to carrying crayons or pencils before they begin preschool. Encourage them to draw and write, even if it’s a mess. This is a crucial step in developing their motor abilities, hand strength, and hand-eye coordination.
• When it comes to emotional development, they are learning how to recognize and react to their emotions.  Ask them questions to help them define their feelings when they start to feel a certain way. Ask them if they enjoy playing with their toys if you notice them having fun with them. 

‘Do you like playing with your toys? Does that make you smile? That means you’re happy?’ Help them develop a coping strategy by doing the same with negative feelings. For instance, if they become irritated or furious, talk to them about it and instruct them to take deep breaths until they become calm. Your typical ‘no, don’t do that, stop it might not be a good idea.

• At this age, imitation also starts, therefore it is best to act in a way that you would want your children to act. They will probably act similarly if they see you losing your composure or engaging in conflict. Observe how they interact, then instruct them on effective communication, social skills, and relationship-building. This is how their social development starts. 

You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. Considering this is the age of curiosity and first words, pay attention to your speech directed towards them. With this, we move on to the other stage.

Here Comes The Phase Of Major Changes

It is often believed that once school starts, the child is the responsibility of the school. Let’s see why this belief is wrong. As soon as your child starts school, you and your teachers will share the duty of teaching. Teachers can manage academic learning, but you may concentrate on knowing your child’s learning preferences and creating a setting that is more suited to their particular requirements. 

They get new skills here. There are several teachers and peers for your youngster. They might begin evaluating themselves against others. Your child will experience feelings of pride and success if they believe they are succeeding academically, athletically, artistically, or socially. This is a very crucial stage where major growth happens.

Your role here is:

• Identify your child’s learning pattern, and treat them accordingly, he/she could be a:

1. Visual Learner
2. Auditory Learner
3. Tactile Learner
4. Kinesthetic Learner

• You must establish a defined routine for your child to create an ideal learning environment. Use your planning abilities to develop a schedule that gives them ample time to learn while also providing breaks for enjoyment.
• Apart from academics, this is the age where extracurriculars play an important role: they find like-minded people and explore activities where they might be good. Make sure they are participating in at least one sport, one kind of art, and one other language.
• Find another area where your child can excel if you observe that they struggle in one area. Assist your child in enhancing their talents in areas where they already have a knack. By encouraging kids to explore new activities, you can help them develop the trait of adaptability at a young age. Encourage them to try again or to attempt something new even if they fail. Children develop resilience at a young age when setbacks are celebrated or normalised.
• Children frequently lie out of fear of being judged, especially by you since you are their primary caregiver. Engaging them in open-minded dialogue is one method to counter this. While conducting these chats, switch from “parent” to “friend.” Take a keen interest in what they do every day.

• The morals and values learned during this age, stay for a lifetime. Do not imbibe the “log kya kahenge” mentality in them, rather help them recognize their positive actions and show them how to correct their negative ones.

• Children are not the vehicles to help you achieve what you couldn’t, we must recognize that their interests and goals may be very different from ours and they do have the right to try it out and see, for themselves, if it works out or not. Even the most basic thing such as tying their shoelace for them because you fear “they will trip if they try to do it alone” can hamper their self-esteem.

• Talking of emotional growth, most schools do not teach emotional intelligence which makes it an even more critical role for you. Instead of merely telling them to “calm down,” discuss with them the source of their rage or distress and how they can deal with it better. The best technique to develop empathy is to help them understand your viewpoint or your feelings.

• Participate in fun things as a family, such as reading, playing games, and attending local events. Celebrate your child’s strengths in areas other than academics, such as a hobby or a particular behaviour.

At this stage, children rapidly acquire new physical, social, and cognitive abilities. They must seize this opportunity to gain confidence in all facets of their lives, including friendships, academics, and extracurricular activities. Make sure you provide support rather than adding to the stress.

“They Grow Up So Fast”

During this period of adolescence, they must be dealing with difficult concerns like “Who am I?” “What do I want to do for a living?” and “How do I integrate into society.” You may recall the stress you experienced as a teenager if you add the question of “What’s happening to my body?” to all this confusion. 

The majority of adolescents will examine various roles and concepts on their journey to self. Teenagers that successfully navigate this crisis will emerge with a solid sense of who they are. Despite the difficulties they will encounter in the future, they will be able to uphold their values. How to get there? Well, here is what you can do to help!

• Give them responsibilities like buying groceries, doing laundry, or cleaning their room to help them become more independent.
• When discussing touchy matters like sex, drinking, smoking, and drugs with your teen, be open and direct. At this age, peer pressure is more obvious, and dealing with it effectively can make a tremendous difference.
• There is an academic burden around this age so health is often neglected. Make sure they are taking care of their physical and personal hygiene, receiving adequate exercise to keep in shape, and doing so on their own. 
• In today’s digital age, “ghosting” or “cancel culture” have become popular. Help them comprehend the value of and methods for developing long-lasting connections. Learn about their friends’ social lives, discuss your own, and provide personal examples. Encourage communication while also giving them their space. 
• The ideal moment to impart financial management and earning skills to children is now. Household chores should be used to generate pocket money. Engage them in financial planning, explain how budgeting works, and emphasise the value of investing.
• Teach children core skills like cooking or taking care of the house, regardless of their gender. Your youngster should be able to adjust to living away from home, which most children do after this age.
• Being a teenager may be pretty overwhelming, and if these feelings aren’t acknowledged or handled properly, they may also result in mental health problems. Things that may not seem important to you may be major problems for them. Keep the option for therapy always open since they are professionals who deal with teens day in and day out.

You made it! By the end of this stage, your kiddos will be called “adults”. As simple as it sounds, this work will come with its own set of challenges and you better be well-rested yourself to deal with them. If you follow a holistic method, not sticking to just academics or just play, keeping in mind all the aspects and their impact, we are sure your child will grow up to be a successful adult.

Create Your Own Parenting Style

Just keep your composure, try some fresh approaches, and if they don’t work, try some more. You will do great and create your unique parenting recipe that will lead your child to become the best version of themselves. Here, at Mentoria, we have workshops and masterclasses on effective and mindful parenting! Learn from experts and figure out what works for you and your child!